It's pretty wild to think back at when I started learning about the stock market. Honestly, looking at my very beginning trades I sorta laugh because of how little I knew. Thinking back I remember getting super and intensely emotional about losing a trade or just being in a trade at all. Even if I was using my paper account, I'd still get adrenaline and get emotional. It was honestly really rough at first. I'm an emotional person to begin with so people have even told me that I probably wouldn't be good at it. But on the other hand, I'm also very obsessive about things I enjoy and that's how I would end up studying 4 to 8 hours a day all summer and even further beyond. I traded with my real account for a few months and just couldn't get the hang of it no matter how much I studied. I took a couple weeks breaks here and there. But every time I came back feeling refreshed and more knowledgeable. Time and time again I would keep restarting my paper trading account up until recently. Unfortunately, I did not keep track of those trades I did in my prior account. It's really a shame because I made some amazing trades and I'm proud that I caught some of the moves that I did. But up to now, I've been tracking my paper trades and taking it just as serious as if it were real money. I'm even trading under the PDT rule.
The more time goes by, the more things I start to notice and the more I feel ready to start trading with real money again. I think that by the end of 2019 it's very possible I will be consistent. I've learned so much in my first year of trading and after watching other people who have started at the same time as me, they don't understand near as much as I do. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything. But I definitely put in LOTS of study time. Probably not as much as I'd like though. I need to keep grinding and busting ass until I reach that level of consistency. I see videos of Roland Wolf and how he talks about studying for 17 hours a day and honestly I don't know how he did that. I've tried studying THAT much but I get burnt out and found it counterproductive. I'm at the point where now I just like to study and absorb what I have and take it slow. This is a journey and honestly I'm not in a hurry to make money anymore. I just enjoy it and I want to grow my account over time because it's cool to see progress.
I know a lot of this sounds cliche, like every other person who types their own posts. They always say "I'm getting better" and "I'm studying all the time" blah blah blah. But it's more than that. Right now I'm sort of stuck in an awkward "limbo" with myself. I'm not necessarily consistent, yet I'm not consistently losing either. It's a weird feeling but for some reason it's actually helping me learn even more. I can feel myself teetering back and forth from consistently losing to being consistently profitable. I've noticed the emotional change and a discipline change. Not just in trading, but in life! Overcoming these mental barriers has made me more in control inside and outside of trading. As challenging as trading may be, I feel like it is very healthy for self growth if you're willing to be honest with yourself and take your time to just have fun and learn! You just have to enjoy the ride and let yourself grow as a trader and as a person. I've changed so much since the beginning of 2018 and I'm ready to grow my account. If I don't, that's fine. I'll stick to paper trading. But eventually things will all make sense, the stars will align, and I will be consistent!
From now on at the end of every month I will be posting my verified trades to commit to transparency. I'll leave this blog with a quote I found in a video game I used to play. Loved the quote so I use it for inspiration.
"An amateur practices until he can get it right. A professional practices until he can't get it wrong."