After trading my way to over-all profitability for the second time now in less than two years I have just thrown it all away losing 7k in four days.
This all happened late at night Dubai time, so I woke up this morning mixed with shock, haze and just pure frustration.
The one saving grace I have is that I can somehow comfortably lose money I have made in the market but I REFUSE to lose money I have earnt In my advertising career.
Now I have lost my market profits, I have put myself under PDT with a 24,900 IB account so I can’t use it anymore and I will open a $1k Trade Zero account trading a good 5 – 10 times smaller than my usual position sizes.
How did it all go wrong? I really don’t know. Discipline is like a slithering snake, it is slimy and slips away so gradually you won’t see until it is strangling you by your neck.
The more money you make the more you are off guard for the eventual attack.
After demonstrating solid discipline cutting losses at $500 and once a month really messing up and having a -1k day I just totally lost control.
It has come to make me realise that I can’t follow the number 1 rule in trading and if I can’t follow that rule I shouldn’t be trading.
It is sad because for the past two years I have given up a lot, but ironically due to living a life of study I have saved up $25k and paid off all my debt which was around $20k. So, I am the rare example of a losing trader who kind of won.
A lot of people say they study their ass off, I did my fair share of ten hour days too and still now will spend my weekends testing and recording data on new patterns.
Others lose too
Others losing does not make my losses any better. I am fully responsible for this and while Tim Sykes’ teachings and the challenge have taught me to take profits from the market In roughly one year; Tim can’t force me to be disciplined nor can he force you to be disciplined.
If you are a new trader you may think you will be disciplined in a key moment but the reality is you have no fucking clue until the money is in the stock and your mouse is hovering over the exit button. Will you press it? You’ll soon find out.
One of the few silver linings I have is that I think discipline can be learnt. I know of stories of gurus who were down 40k before going on to make real money.
Don’t quote me on this but I know of one where a guru blew up a mill account and worked his way back from a 30k account he forgot he had.
I am definitely smart enough to be a successful trader. It’s just improving discipline. Except it is not ‘just’ this is a mammoth task.
Trading is not life
Since I started learning to trade my social life collapsed. I don’t regret it because I built an awesome YouTube channel, pod-cast and am proud to say I have inspired people to keep following their dreams. How inspiring my message is now I wonder, but at least I am real and am trying, which is a cut above the haters.
I’m skipping the market today to head out to the desert to camp, likely the perfect place to air out my problems. I want to take that DMT Awoshka stuff, maybe it will help me realise why I am such a de-generate.
Nevertheless, coming full circle turning 25k into 32k then finding myself back at 25k In just four days woke me up to life. That life should be lived – not spent in front of monitors. True happiness comes from learning and growth which can be fulfilled through trading but you also need connection, laughter, love and to just get out there and see the world.
Well, mentally I can’t trust myself right now, so I will trade under a 1k account through June and if I can close the month green I’ll re-open my IB Account. Truth is, sadly though, I can’t trust myself right now, so I have to put restrictions In place.
I might be a bit mental sometimes, but I will never ever quit trading. I am not a quitter and I get no greater thrill than playing calculated odds.
Advice for you
You might not think this will happen to you; then it will. Or, this is already happening to you. Either way, here is some advice based on my experience.
1) Choose life: After a big loss, just stop, get out, fight the resistance to trade and walk away for a week. I have worked and studied for around 2 years with no day off. Burn outs become likely when you work hard for long periods.
2) NEVER try and make it back: the market is designed to take your money - if you compromise quality to make money quickly you’ll lose more even quicker
3) Don’t lose your own money; I am stupidly fucking reckless and I did lose my own money to initially learn to trade but now I would NEVER gamble my own cash in big size and I don’t count profits as mine because they can go as quickly as they come.
4) Size down: If you have emotionally lost control put a limit on your account just withdraw the funds so you physically can’t trade – this has worked for other people I have spoken to and I am sure it will work for me.
5) A loss is not the end: A lot of people as shown above take stupid losses – it just means starting again with way more experience and knowledge than you previously had.
So I guess for me, I am starting again, but this time with a lot more experience and knowledge at the exact same position I was In February gone.
Only this time, I have a vivid feeling of what it feels to lose big when you don’t cut a loss, and the destructive behavior that follows.
So basically, I’ve learnt a lot more about me, who I am, and what I need to fix.